The Black Wolf's Restaurant Reviews: Himale, Chembur

Those of you in the know would be aware that my cousin Fenderis and I both have mothers who exile us from our castles without any compunction whatsoever. Out of adversity, however, doth spring enterprise, as a Bard once said, and this little instance of our maternal parents’ ‘bringing up’ habits has led to our getting quite a feel and taste for the road cuisine around Midgard. Given that this could be very useful knowledge for a number of people, I hit upon the idea of writing restaurant reviews for precisely this kind of eating-place – the one’s that are far far under the radar of the Vir Sanghavi’s and Asit Chandmal’s of the world.
So here goes…Fenderis’ first restaurant review.

When Jormund told me to write a series of restaurant review (and Ariel threatened to poison my coffee if I didn’t), I knew I could start my reviewing career with no other place than Himale’s, Chembur. One of my very frequently visited hangouts, this particular eatery enjoys a very special place in our own little friend circle, for this is where we invariably retire to escape from the sad monotonies of life.

Location

It’s not really a hole in the wall type of restaurant – in fact it enjoys the advantage of a decent-looking location and a very legal-looking dining area. (Though, as it sometimes happens with appearances, they are deceptive in this case; I strongly suspect that it isn’t legal.)

It sits sandwiched between two computer cafes. The dining hall (if one may call it that) opens out almost onto the main road and is bordered by a dry sort of sewage drain, the ones that usually flank the roads in these parts. Needless to say, this makes the experience a bit unpleasant when the restaurant is more-than-usually crowded, as the tables are then stretched over the said gutters. Twenty people is about as many as it can seat (with some difficulty) – anything above 16 and it starts getting cramped up.

Ambience

The furniture is the usual rickety type with tables that would overturn at the slightest offence, and the customarily ill-matching plastic chairs that bend in and out most precariously. The table comes equipped with the ubiquitous sauce-tray, the ones that usually define a Chinese joint, along with the omnipresent dark red colour of course. Not to forget the very un-dragonly-looking dragon and the seemingly Mandarin script that says Valhalla-knows-what. (I have, many a times felt quite a strong urge to investigate if it really is Mandarin at all. Is it possible that there is some deep political Chinese conspiracy to ridicule and mock us so frankly as we lick up their delicacies through that supposed Chinese writing? Well, why not?)

And now for the best part – the waiting period.

Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not defaming our north-eastern brethren, but they really seem to have the most stupidly simple, and also the best and the most tolerant of dispositions. I mean, selecting your dish is easy enough; the menu's in English. BUT communicating it to the honourable waiters is one hell of a job! I don't remember a lot of instances when we have got through to the waiter in the first attempt itself. Much like a Pink Floyd song to a recalcitrant nerd, the message just doesn’t seem to get through. Foremost among the problems happen to be their very thickly accented language - so something like "Chicken Schezwan" would be repeated like "chickeschewoaaaa" and “One-half” would most probably be misconstrued as “One-and-a-half”, so that's like thrice ofwhat you actually meant.

I particularly recommend that our dear diners would do well to repeat their orders as many times as possible and preferably signify quantity by sign language for is often mistaken. Also, do stress the chicken in your chicken dishes if you want it and even more emphatically stress the absence of it if you don’t – and even after all these precautions be prepared to be really irritated when the order arrives.

Which, by the way is why I honour the nature of those blessed servers - their mistakes are often rather causes of much ridicule and laughter than frustration. They take the insults thrown their way very well and do only so much as to good-naturedly smile, apparently at their own foolishness. (Or perhaps they don't understand what the joke is all about and just want to join in and look good.) Whatever that may be waiting can be a rather entertaining - but often frustrating - experience.

Cuisine

Perhaps I would also put in a word or two of my personal opinion over here. I have been frequenting this joint for quite some years now - so much so that I can safely comment on the changes in taste that invariably accompanies any food joint in its journey through time. I have come to observe that as these joints gain in affluence and clientele, they proportionally compromise on quantity and most importantly on the taste that brought them the added custom. Perhaps the latter happens unintentionally, but happen it does nonetheless. So, as the matter stands, the very aspect of such humble joints that appeal most to discerning customers lose favour and loyalty then fade into “Once upon a time” experiences.

Though this restaurant's dishes have not lost out much on quantity they have certainly lost out a bit on the taste aspect of it. I remember the preparations being particularly lip-smacking - especially so for the fans of the classic spicy Chinese menu. But now, the dishes - even those which are characteristically spicy - now taste somewhat bland and mellow, rather than like the mean dragonly challenges they were meant to be. This might well put off those who are accustomed to the typical Indian-ised Chinese cuisine which is specially spicy and is generally what one looks for in any such place.

The menu is in no way lacking in variety. Well, at least for name sake, and I mean it that way. At one such dinner we happened to order a couple of dishes which though named differently tasted just the same, absolutely no difference whatsoever, not even for decency’s sake.

Then again all the red-looking rice and noodle dishes as well as the orange-looking and the white-looking ones taste just the same amongst themselves and do not taste very different amongst one another, so the sauces come in very handy to alter the experience a bit.

Though the main courses don't impress me much, the soups and the starters are where the treasures of Himale’s are hidden. Most of these are very tasty, their “Himale Special” variations being certainly worth trying. Amongst the starters I would particularly recommend the chilly chicken appetizers which are my favourite. They come in the gravy-type variation too, and most of these are also good enough, so a prudently combined meal should be quite pleasant on the tastebuds. Quantity is absolutely no problem and the dishes are very moderately priced so one doesn't have that empty feeling that follows most of the more expensive dining adventures.

One of the latest additions to this joint (and also one that has left me completely in awe of their business ingenuity) is an ice gola stand within the premises. Surprising isn't it? Works wonderfully though. I suppose they have hit on just the right kind of meal-desert combo. And these are no ordinary golas, but those of the malai variety, and though I haven't personally tried them yet, my other wolf-friends are very impressed.

But how can I sign off without a mention of the multicoloured and most mis-matched cutlery presented by this joint which, though being characteristic of most such places I think is important to mention as being particularly garish.

So summing up finally I could say , the experience should be not too unpleasant for the especially churlish ones and should be quite enjoyable for those to whom such places are more as “hang-out” places than as particularly satisfying dining experiences I meanthat's how I approach it, and I’ve come to enjoy every evening out there.
Strictly not a place for first dates though.

Restaurant: Himale’s Chinese
Location: Off the Mumbai-Pune highway and into Chembur proper. If coming in from Sion, Ashish Talkies would be an appropriate landmark, the joint is about fifty meters from the theatre on the opposite side.

Contributed by:
Fenderis Wolf
(Edited by JE)