The Black Wolf's Restaurant Reviews: Tastings, Chembur

So, riding the sweet wave of encouragement and appreciation from my esteemed and snaky cousin JE here I come - Fenderis the wolf with another of those uber-professional reviews. (Since I am a one-review old veteran I may call my self a pro, right? What say thou?)

Well this time it happens to be a relatively decent place around our dear old Midgard that I nevertheless frequent. We bloodthirsty wolves also have our quiet moments, you see, so this is where I land up, whenever I have some insult to lick up or wish to revel in the after glory of some recent work of destruction or nuisance in general to this perverted society (or to brood over my unworthiness in having any finer feeling of the romantic type).

Located at the heart of Chembur, near Diamond Garden, is this ice cream & snacks parlour which offers a nice scene for silent contemplation, to re-live those sweet memories of times never to come again, and of those you have shared them with.

Probably not a romantic place though, at least not in the purist’s sense. Situated in the midst of some really active vehicular traffic, the parlour is a completely open place. As such it offers us a typically Midgard on-the-move prospect all around, what with vehicles and people whizzing around you. But the place isn’t chaotic, as some might fear, in fact is comes across as an oasis of peace in the midst of the traffic, which somehow fades into unobtrusiveness even as one can wander about in one’s own world within. Perhaps this factor is what appeals to me the most.

We of the brood discovered it about a couple of years back, when we really began spending time as a group and it quickly became quite a favourite with us. Basically this place serves ice creams, pastries and snacks, with a very good variety on the menu.

The softies are what drew me to the place initially - though it is most unfortunate that they offer only two flavours, so those looking for anything beyond chocolate and vanilla would be disappointed. I know, it doesn’t sound like much, but then I have loved vanilla since times immemorial so it doesn’t function as a deterrent to me.

Along with softies they have the usual ice-cream scoops, which are branded so there isn’t much point in judging those. The Sundaes and the other fancy combinations are definitely worth trying and though there’s nothing particularly exotic it's still good enough.

The best part is the really unusual cold coffee they serve here - which has been my favourite ever since I discovered it. While we are all familiar with the “ice-cream scoop in regular chilled coffee type”, over here they have a beautiful variant with the softy mixed in coffee fare which, believe me, tastes just superb. So it's like thick coffee with softy and the taste blends perfectly, and is not too sweet either.

Then we come to the pastries section, again nothing exotic, but definitely worth the dough. No surprises here – you get what you order for and it tastes good. Again, there is a decent variety in the menu. The mousses are sweet as well, but I’m not certain that I’m yet in a position to pass final judgement on them.Lastly they have the snacks, nothing much to say here - it's the usual thing that one would find anywhere else. Basically they have all the bread variants – sandwiches, pizzas, burgers and stuff like that. What's worth mentioning is the latest addition of a Pav Bhaji stall. The masala pav is really good, I mean quite professional, and definitely worth trying.

The dining place is really clean and pleasant, with a capacity of about 30 or so with cute round tables and all, not very spacious but somehow doesn't feel too crowded - even with all the tables occupied. The waiting area is good enough too, at least nothing to complain of (other than the usual preference to the female customers -now that's really most disgusting).

Worth noticing is the cashier-cum-owner, who looks really dumb or dead, or both. One can always count on fining him sitting with the same dead expression on his face always, I doubt that he would take the trouble of swatting a fly even if it happened to sit on his nose. Or perhaps it is some really higher version of serene meditation, one that lesser mortals like me cannot quite fathom.

So summing it all up, all of my visits have been really pleasant on the heart as well as the pocket. Everything is really moderately priced and very affordable.

I would describe this as a particularly simple and humble place, simple and humble in the ambience and nothing too glitzy, garish or hep.

And yes, DEFINITELY for first time dates

Name : Tastings Ice-Cream Parlour

Location : 7th Cross Road, Diamond Garden, Chembur

Contributed by F.W.

The Black Wolf's Restaurant Reviews: Himale, Chembur

Those of you in the know would be aware that my cousin Fenderis and I both have mothers who exile us from our castles without any compunction whatsoever. Out of adversity, however, doth spring enterprise, as a Bard once said, and this little instance of our maternal parents’ ‘bringing up’ habits has led to our getting quite a feel and taste for the road cuisine around Midgard. Given that this could be very useful knowledge for a number of people, I hit upon the idea of writing restaurant reviews for precisely this kind of eating-place – the one’s that are far far under the radar of the Vir Sanghavi’s and Asit Chandmal’s of the world.
So here goes…Fenderis’ first restaurant review.

When Jormund told me to write a series of restaurant review (and Ariel threatened to poison my coffee if I didn’t), I knew I could start my reviewing career with no other place than Himale’s, Chembur. One of my very frequently visited hangouts, this particular eatery enjoys a very special place in our own little friend circle, for this is where we invariably retire to escape from the sad monotonies of life.

Location

It’s not really a hole in the wall type of restaurant – in fact it enjoys the advantage of a decent-looking location and a very legal-looking dining area. (Though, as it sometimes happens with appearances, they are deceptive in this case; I strongly suspect that it isn’t legal.)

It sits sandwiched between two computer cafes. The dining hall (if one may call it that) opens out almost onto the main road and is bordered by a dry sort of sewage drain, the ones that usually flank the roads in these parts. Needless to say, this makes the experience a bit unpleasant when the restaurant is more-than-usually crowded, as the tables are then stretched over the said gutters. Twenty people is about as many as it can seat (with some difficulty) – anything above 16 and it starts getting cramped up.

Ambience

The furniture is the usual rickety type with tables that would overturn at the slightest offence, and the customarily ill-matching plastic chairs that bend in and out most precariously. The table comes equipped with the ubiquitous sauce-tray, the ones that usually define a Chinese joint, along with the omnipresent dark red colour of course. Not to forget the very un-dragonly-looking dragon and the seemingly Mandarin script that says Valhalla-knows-what. (I have, many a times felt quite a strong urge to investigate if it really is Mandarin at all. Is it possible that there is some deep political Chinese conspiracy to ridicule and mock us so frankly as we lick up their delicacies through that supposed Chinese writing? Well, why not?)

And now for the best part – the waiting period.

Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not defaming our north-eastern brethren, but they really seem to have the most stupidly simple, and also the best and the most tolerant of dispositions. I mean, selecting your dish is easy enough; the menu's in English. BUT communicating it to the honourable waiters is one hell of a job! I don't remember a lot of instances when we have got through to the waiter in the first attempt itself. Much like a Pink Floyd song to a recalcitrant nerd, the message just doesn’t seem to get through. Foremost among the problems happen to be their very thickly accented language - so something like "Chicken Schezwan" would be repeated like "chickeschewoaaaa" and “One-half” would most probably be misconstrued as “One-and-a-half”, so that's like thrice ofwhat you actually meant.

I particularly recommend that our dear diners would do well to repeat their orders as many times as possible and preferably signify quantity by sign language for is often mistaken. Also, do stress the chicken in your chicken dishes if you want it and even more emphatically stress the absence of it if you don’t – and even after all these precautions be prepared to be really irritated when the order arrives.

Which, by the way is why I honour the nature of those blessed servers - their mistakes are often rather causes of much ridicule and laughter than frustration. They take the insults thrown their way very well and do only so much as to good-naturedly smile, apparently at their own foolishness. (Or perhaps they don't understand what the joke is all about and just want to join in and look good.) Whatever that may be waiting can be a rather entertaining - but often frustrating - experience.

Cuisine

Perhaps I would also put in a word or two of my personal opinion over here. I have been frequenting this joint for quite some years now - so much so that I can safely comment on the changes in taste that invariably accompanies any food joint in its journey through time. I have come to observe that as these joints gain in affluence and clientele, they proportionally compromise on quantity and most importantly on the taste that brought them the added custom. Perhaps the latter happens unintentionally, but happen it does nonetheless. So, as the matter stands, the very aspect of such humble joints that appeal most to discerning customers lose favour and loyalty then fade into “Once upon a time” experiences.

Though this restaurant's dishes have not lost out much on quantity they have certainly lost out a bit on the taste aspect of it. I remember the preparations being particularly lip-smacking - especially so for the fans of the classic spicy Chinese menu. But now, the dishes - even those which are characteristically spicy - now taste somewhat bland and mellow, rather than like the mean dragonly challenges they were meant to be. This might well put off those who are accustomed to the typical Indian-ised Chinese cuisine which is specially spicy and is generally what one looks for in any such place.

The menu is in no way lacking in variety. Well, at least for name sake, and I mean it that way. At one such dinner we happened to order a couple of dishes which though named differently tasted just the same, absolutely no difference whatsoever, not even for decency’s sake.

Then again all the red-looking rice and noodle dishes as well as the orange-looking and the white-looking ones taste just the same amongst themselves and do not taste very different amongst one another, so the sauces come in very handy to alter the experience a bit.

Though the main courses don't impress me much, the soups and the starters are where the treasures of Himale’s are hidden. Most of these are very tasty, their “Himale Special” variations being certainly worth trying. Amongst the starters I would particularly recommend the chilly chicken appetizers which are my favourite. They come in the gravy-type variation too, and most of these are also good enough, so a prudently combined meal should be quite pleasant on the tastebuds. Quantity is absolutely no problem and the dishes are very moderately priced so one doesn't have that empty feeling that follows most of the more expensive dining adventures.

One of the latest additions to this joint (and also one that has left me completely in awe of their business ingenuity) is an ice gola stand within the premises. Surprising isn't it? Works wonderfully though. I suppose they have hit on just the right kind of meal-desert combo. And these are no ordinary golas, but those of the malai variety, and though I haven't personally tried them yet, my other wolf-friends are very impressed.

But how can I sign off without a mention of the multicoloured and most mis-matched cutlery presented by this joint which, though being characteristic of most such places I think is important to mention as being particularly garish.

So summing up finally I could say , the experience should be not too unpleasant for the especially churlish ones and should be quite enjoyable for those to whom such places are more as “hang-out” places than as particularly satisfying dining experiences I meanthat's how I approach it, and I’ve come to enjoy every evening out there.
Strictly not a place for first dates though.

Restaurant: Himale’s Chinese
Location: Off the Mumbai-Pune highway and into Chembur proper. If coming in from Sion, Ashish Talkies would be an appropriate landmark, the joint is about fifty meters from the theatre on the opposite side.

Contributed by:
Fenderis Wolf
(Edited by JE)